Four Thirty Five (435) wrote,
Four Thirty Five

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Inane ramblings ahead. Fropping the brainfarts in a stream of consiousness thing.

Y'know, I don't get to spend that much time online anymore, just the hour or so before I start getting ready for work, and a few hours on my weekends. It's cut me off from a good deal of my friends, and even then, when I can get a hold of some of them, they blithely ignore me. They've got lives and lots of people paging them too, but All I want is some acknowledgement of my existance.

I'm barely getting it anywhere in my life as it is.

Despite my nametag, I'm just another anonymous retail peon to my customers, the guy who can't possibly know anything about what he's the SPECIALIST of because he doesn't carry a handbag. Whoopty shit. I can still tell these people what brands are leather, what's on sale, and what percentage off on sale they are, just by looking at the damn bag, but no, I'm just the well-dressed janitor. Really. Must be.

I get blown off at home, too. Seng is either invovled in an RP, or lost in Arcanum, or deep in FF8, and I'm left to my own devices. Since two of the three are computer-based, I'm pretty much SOL on the 'things to do that interact with people' list.

I'm stifled, I'm suffocated, I'm disgusted, and, above all, I'm bored. These combined make me, well, depressed... and SAD ain't helpin' none, yo.

I've become a lazy, unproductive, unhappy shadow of my former self. I'm sick of the food I'm eating, yet I can't get the gumption up to cook anything. I want to draw, but lose the interest when it doesn't go right on the first pencil line. I want to write, but I can't think of a story. I have so many things I want to do creatively, but nothing I do either appeals after the first few seconds, or I can't afford to do them... The only goddamn creative thing I've got going thus far is my FREAKING WEBPAGE... for an online TP! And even then, it still isn't what I want it to be...

I'm just feeling rather pathetic right now, folks. If anyone's reading. Thank you for reading my ramble. Sorry to put you up to it.

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