Good day to you, kind elf. It has been quite a long time since I last drafted a letter for you.
I know I haven't been the biggest proponent of this holiday over the last couple of years. I'm sure you understand that my lack of participation in the event stems from both overexposure and the inability to reciprocate in any meaningful way.
I have been holed up in my apartment now for 12 days, with forays out only to get groceries and to take one final. I have been stuck here first by necessity of school, and then finally by the weather.
Now, Santa, I am a man whose social life is relatively minor and pretty boring. In fact, there had only been five things I had planned to do over the course of this 3 week break. One was outright canceled due to the weather, two others delayed indefinitely, and the other two are sitting on the precipice of cancellation. The cause has been this strange and excessive snowfall we here in the Pacific Northwest have suffered.
So I ask just one thing from you for this holiday. It's simple and will cost you nothing. All you need do is to pass along a message to Jack Frost and Frosty the Snowman.
Please tell them to go fuck themselves.