January 22nd, 2003

Zero Punctuation - Demon Thing



Once upon a time there has a young BEAR HANDLER named RUPERT. He was ADRIFT GRUNTING in the GNARLY forest when he met GASSY BOB, a run-away BARISTA from the STONED Queen PEARL.

RUPERT could see that GASSY BOB was hungry so he reached into his CONDOM and give him his ENORMOUS SAUSAGE. GASSY BOB was thankful for RUPERT's SAUSAGE, so he told RUPERT a very STICKY story about Queen PEARL's daughter STEPHANIE. How her mother, the STONED Queen PEARL, kept her locked away in a WHOREHOUSE protected by a gigantic AARDVARK, because STEPHANIE was so SLEEPY.

RUPERT PREVARICATED. He vowed to GASSY BOB the BARISTA that he would save the SLEEPY STEPHANIE. He would SWIM the AARDVARK, and take STEPHANIE far away from her eveil mother, the STONED Queen PEARL, and MOLEST her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a HIGH-FALOOTIN' VOLCANIC EXPLOSION and GASSY BOB the BARISTA began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic AARDVARK from his story. STONED Queen PEARL STRANGLED out from behind a SPOON and struck RUPERT dead. In the far off WHOREHOUSE you could hear a FART.


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Zero Punctuation - Demon Thing


Judge Dismisses McDonald's Lawsuit

“IF CONSUMERS know (or reasonably should know) the potential ill health effects of eating at McDonald’s, they cannot blame McDonald’s if they, nonetheless, choose to satiate their appetite with a surfeit of supersized McDonald’s products,” U.S. District Judge Robert Sweet said in his ruling Wednesday.

Take that, Fatty McFattypants. c.c
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