She's a freak of nature... A redheaded goth-being whom reminded me of a basketball at times.
She married some guy she met on the internet a few years ago. The first time they actually physically met was on their wedding day. The guy had BLUE LIPS and looked vaguely like me if you sent my picture through every filter in Photoshop.
But now, she's found me.
It's been seven years... I'd forgotten her. WHY COULDN'T SHE HAVE FORGOTTEN ME?
[Edit] News of interest:
Also: Ninja Otters in Western Washington, but news story not posted online.